


the last lost continent

by BeatnikFreak



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, M/M, Nonbinary Hange Zoë, Post Season 2, hange is my favourite to be quite honest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-06 22:46:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12827733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeatnikFreak/pseuds/BeatnikFreak
Summary: "You would put my life above humanity?" asked Erwin, and his voice sounded like it came from a much younger man. "My life?"Levi set his jaw. "I'd certainly fucking think about it."Levi watches over Erwin in the hospital and realises why he can't deal with the thought of Erwin dying.





	the last lost continent

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this in mid August when I'd just finished the anime. It's now nearly December, and I needed to get this out of my system or I'm never going to be able to finish the lit review I need to write for my PhD supervisors. Somehow, I always get into a desperately creative mood when I need to be writing academic work. 
> 
> I did a lot of crying in the last two days finishing this off, and my boyfriend was very confused. It's his fault for getting me into Attack on Titan.
> 
> Title from the La Dispute song, but mostly written listening to '10am Gare du Nord' and 'Petrichor' by Keaton Henson.

Levi moved in a burning haze that cleared a path through the corridors of the hospital in Trost, no one daring come anywhere near the black clad bundle of fury. His hair flipped lightly in the wind of his motion, coat tail flapping in his wake, a dark shadow storming through the halls.

He was beyond angry. He hadn't been this furious since Farlan and Isabel died. Rationally, he knew it was partially the build up of anger from losing his squad in the forest that was making him rip through the hospital without a care for his still wounded ankle. But he was also about to go kick absolute shit into that mad bastard.

"Are you completely insane?" he demanded, before he'd even crossed the threshold. "You ride headlong into a mass of Titans, using yourselves as bait, get yourself chowed down upon and still go diving at the Armoured Titan with one fucking arm? What the everloving fuck were you thinking, Erwin?"

He didn't actually look at Erwin until he was done with his tirade. Probably a good thing, because there's no way he could have managed to finish it after seeing the occupant of the single bed in the room.

Erwin was a pale shadow, trying to push himself up from where he'd been lying flat on his back. Trying to push himself up with one arm.

He looks so small, Levi thought in a haze. Erwin normally cut an imposing figure, nearly an entire foot taller than Levi with strong limbs and striking features, but here, with bandages around his broad chest, cuts all over his face and a bloody, bandaged stump for an arm… it was pitiful.

"Well, it worked, didn't it?" Erwin's voice was quieter than usual as he struggled into a sitting position, Levi unable to look at anything but the desecrated marble statue of the Commander. "Bertholdt and Reiner were unable to take Eren. And we kept hold of Historia Reiss." His lips quirked slightly at the corners. "All in all I'd say that was a successful mission."

When Levi's voice finally came out of his mouth, it was strangled. "You lost a fucking arm, Erwin."

Erwin shrugged in that infuriating manner that really ought to have got him killed, probably by Levi, by now. "A sacrifice for humanity."

God in heaven, Levi swore to himself. The man lost a limb twelve hours ago and he's still doing the damn rhetoric. He repressed the urge to tell him that he wasn’t much good for humanity with one arm, though it danced on the edge of his lips.

Erwin, in that creepy way he had, seemed to read it on his face, and for a second he looked even smaller. His eyes glanced across at the bandaged, bloody stump of his arm, then down into his lap. Levi had the horrible impression that the Commander was about to cry.

He slumped down into the chair at the side of Erwin's bed. It had been pulled very, very close, so his knees were brushing the edge of the mattress. Close up, Erwin looked awful. Mottled bruises were already forming on his neck, arm and shoulders, and the dark circles sat livid under his bright blue eyes.

“You look like shit,” Levi offered, unable to think of anything else that would comfort the man.

Erwin snorted. “Your bedside manner is impeccable, Levi.”

“And you reek.”

Erwin’s fine nostrils twitched, and he screwed up his face a little. “You’re not wrong, but have you tried nearly being eaten by a Titan? I’ve never smelt anything like that thing’s maw.” His eyes fluttered closed. “That’s what Hell smells like, I’m sure.” A deep crease settled between his eyebrows.

There was a small silence. Erwin seemed lost in his thoughts.

“Seriously though, you fucking stink.”

Erwin looked up at him, looking amused. “My apologies, Levi.” He rolled his head a little, stretching his neck, the sound of a faint pop echoing around the room. Levi tried not to wince. Erwin sounded old. Poor bugger was only thirty five.

“Yeah, don’t let it happen again. I’m not coming near you if you smell worse than usual.”

This time Erwin grinned. “Are you saying I smell?”

Levi sat back in his chair, enjoying the game. “I have to sleep next to you on expeditions. No fancy cologne out there to hide behind.”

Erwin rolled his eyes. It had struck Levi before that he was one of the few people who ever got to see a full range of facial expressions on the usually stony Commander. He enjoyed this little gift.

“No one smells good on an expedition, Levi, and you are no exception.” Erwin's lips twitched.

"I think you're full of shit."

"Wouldn't be the first time you'd said that to me." Erwin sighed, closing his eyes. He must be in a lot of pain.

They fell into silence. Levi couldn’t stop his eyes drifting over to the stump. It was magnetic, almost.

“So what happened?” Levi asked, needing to hear the full details. “They brought you in unconscious, and I got part of the story from Kirschtein and Arlert on my way here.” Levi did not mention the absolute terror that had filled him when he'd heard that Erwin had collapsed on their way back.

The side of Erwin’s mouth twitched up. “Good, so they’re both alive.” A dent pushed itself between his thick brows. “Six per cent loss of the regiment, from the retaking of Eren and Historia. Not the worst, I suppose.”

 _When did we get to this point_ , thought Levi absently, _of calculating human loss like this?_ Still, he knew Erwin was completely right. They’d had far, far worse expeditions.

“The 104th trainees still seem to have the luck of God himself,” Levi agreed. He suddenly had the thought of his now-empty squad, but decided to file that away for later.

“That is to be thankful for,” said Erwin quietly, leaning his head back against the headboard. “I imagine Arlert and Kirschtein gave a decent telling of their version of events.”

“But it’s your version I want to hear, old man,” pressed Levi, eyes turning to the stump again.

Erwin sighed, closing his eyes. “Yes, Levi.”

Levi didn’t enjoy the retelling. Erwin dispassionately related the events of the mission, explaining the coup-de-grâce of using the MPs as bait as if explaining a mildly interesting anecdote. Frankly, Levi was impressed: the tactic was one of Erwin’s best. But what it had led to…

“It came out of nowhere,” said Erwin, finally showing some emotion. “I was giving the signal to advance, and the next I knew I felt the most incredible pain in my right arm."

Levi winced, despite himself. "Arlert said you kept yelling orders from fifteen metres in the air with your arm getting eaten." He paused, remembering the look of absolute devotion on Arlert's face. "Kirschtein used the words 'screaming like a maniac'." Honestly, this was just peak Erwin. Terrifyingly in character.

Erwin's eyes shut, his lips faintly tilting up. "The corps followed my orders, at least.” Of course that would be what Erwin took from this. Honestly, he was like a small child that just wanted approval. Stupid bugger had chosen the wrong career path for that.

It also struck him that of course they followed his orders. Who wouldn't? It was Erwin.

"How did you get down?" He forced his voice flat, unwilling to betray the swirl of emotions roiling deep in his belly.

"Marek and Rinkoff came to help me. Cut the damn thing off at the ankles while I cut myself free." Erwin's eyes clouded slightly, but it was only because Levi knew him so well that he even spotted it. Levi felt his stomach turn. "You -"

Erwin turned a sympathetic look upon him, as if trying to comfort. "The arm was gone, Levi. The titan had mangled it."

 _How are you this calm_ , Levi thought. _You chopped off your own damn arm._

"Besides," Erwin continued as if reading Levi's thoughts, "the longer I waited, the less chance I had of surviving and of rescuing Eren."

Erwin had severed his arm himself, to go running off to save Jaeger from the Colossal Titan, in the midst of a riot of Titans. Jesus fucking Christ, this day had taken a turn.

"I had Marek tie me a tourniquet so I wouldn't bleed out. I asked him to cauterise the flesh, but he refused." How incredibly, parodically Erwin. Asked him to cauterise the flesh, dear god.

"You are fucking insane, old man."

Erwin grinned, with a quick flash of teeth. "No, Levi, I'm just a control freak. I didn't know if anyone else would be able to get Eren back, and no sense in trusting that chance."

Levi resisted the urge to put his head in his hands while Erwin related how he had got back on his horse - with one fucking arm - and shot off towards the Colossal Titan. He knew Erwin was brave - god, anyone who came near him could feel the aura of courage rolling off him - but this was at an unheard of level.

"You have brass balls, my God," said Levi, shaking his head as Erwin described how he'd seen Arlert trash-talking Bertholdt in an attempt to provoke him and taken the opportunity.

"It had to be done," said Erwin in the most infuriatingly Erwin way. Of course the bugger had 3DMGed off his horse to fucking slice Eren free. Of course.

"How did you even do that? You must have been blacking out from pain and blood loss." Levi tried not to visualise it. Humanity's strongest only had so much resilience.

Erwin didn't seem to understand the question. "It had to be done," he repeated, and the conviction in his eyes, in the set of his bruised, beautiful face was frightening.

Levi had often found Erwin awe-inspiring. It was one of the many reasons he'd followed him without a moment of regret. His pure, unswayable conviction: that was enough to make a man follow without a thought. And the sheer passion that rolled off him - it bordered on terrifying. But it was one of the things that Levi most admired about his friend.

Right now, however, it was hard not to be scared of him. All the reports he'd read and heard, and seeing the light burning deep in Erwin's eyes... he, like Armin, was beginning to understand what sort of demon Erwin Smith could become.

But more importantly, it was hard to not be scared for him. Erwin had behaved recklessly with his own life to the extent that he'd nearly been killed.

Levi had known Erwin for five years now, and this was new. Worryingly new.

Levi's musings were cut short by Erwin talking, presumably about Mikasa.

“She’s brilliant, nearly as good as you in terms of raw talent. If we can train that impulsive streak out of her, and she can develop better judgement in a fight, she could be a squad leader one day.” Erwin frowned. “She did make it back, yes? My memories are… blurred, to say the least, once the retreat began.”

Levi nodded, and Erwin looked relieved. Levi wasn’t sure he’d ever seen so many expressions cross his face in such a short space of time. “Good. She’s invaluable. Kirschtein’s also worth looking at for squad leader in the future - he’s a fantastic leader, devoted to his comrades and an excellent fighter.” Erwin wasn’t in the present any more, dropping into the future that only his tactical brain could see. “Armin, too, I think, could be brilliant. The brain in that boy’s head - honestly, he could be Commander one day.”

Levi refused to hear this. “You’re not dead yet, Commander, so let’s leave off thinking about that for the moment,” he bit out.

Erwin’s head snapped around, surprised at Levi’s response. He seemed to have forgotten he was there in his rambling about the cadets from the 104th.

Levi’s stomach was churning, and he had to focus on the conversation at hand to deal with it. _Commander one day? We already have a Commander, and a bloody good one at that._

To distract himself, he decided to pursue the conversation. “So how did you get down from slicing Jaeger free?”

“Gravity.” For some reason, the bastard was grinning.

Levi had never wanted to hit Erwin so much. “This is no time for levity, you arsehole.”

“I’m serious. I dropped back down onto Resurrection.”

"You just dropped onto your horse from that high up?" Levi felt his usually bored expression shift into one of disbelief, eyebrows raising. “I mean, I’m impressed, but Christ, didn’t that hurt?”

“Damn near castrated myself,” admitted Erwin ruefully, shifting uncomfortably in bed. Levi winced sympathetically. “Couldn’t manage to land on Resurrection’s back on my feet.”

“Blood loss will do that to you,” said Levi sardonically, but it made Erwin laugh. Or it did for a moment, before pain twisted his face.

“Titan nearly dislocated my shoulder,” he panted by way of explanation, leaning back against the headboard for some respite. “Pulled half the muscles on my right side. Doctor said I’ve probably broken a rib.”

Levi shook his head. “And you still shot up to rescue Eren?”

Erwin shrugged, wincing. “I didn’t see an alternative.” His eyes had grown heavy.

“Of course you didn’t,” muttered Levi, and Erwin snickered lightly, resting back against his pillows. God, he'd chosen a man to follow...

Erwin fell asleep soon after, story unfinished. Levi sat with him for a long, long time, two changes of nurses noting the small black clad man’s unwavering focus on his Commander’s sleeping face.

“You should rest, Levi,” said Hange, coming in around sunset, still in their uniform and covered in muck, presumably from the attack on the wall a day and a half ago. He sniffed delicately, and his nose confirmed his suspicions.

“You should shower, shitty glasses,” he responded without rancour, stretching in his chair.

“So should you,” they replied, sitting in the other bedside chair. “You’re about to miss your second one of the day.” Their voice softened. “It’s okay, I can watch him while you’re gone.”

Levi looked up sharply. Hange was much more perceptive than he often gave them credit.

“Go,” they said. “Take as long as you need.”

“Be careful you don’t wake him with your stench,” said Levi as a parting shot.

For some reason, once Levi got under the stream of the shower his knees buckled, and he let out a series of wracking sobs.

Erwin slept through the night, and through ’til the next afternoon. Levi was there for all of it, having reports delivered to Erwin’s hospital room. He didn’t let the messengers in, though. No one should see the Commander like this - small, sleeping, weakened.

It became worrying when Erwin hadn't woken by the evening.

The doctor came in, looking worried. “I need to have a look under the bandages.”

Levi couldn’t look away as they were unfurled, unable to stop himself from seeing the wreckage of the man he’d followed for five years. He wasn’t, however, prepared for what he saw.

Red striations had formed around the end of the stump, twining upwards towards his shoulder. Infection.

He barely heard the doctor as he explained what was happening, only able to focus on the large needle he stabbed into Erwin’s arm, and the punched-out sound that came out of his lungs.

Erwin’s fever rose over the night. Levi didn’t sleep, but watched. Hange joined him, the pair of them watching in silence.

The next day dawned grey, and cold. Erwin’s brow was furrowed, sweat beading at his hairline.

 _Don’t you dare die on me, Erwin Smith,_ thought Levi fervently.

A nurse came into the room, startling him from his staring reverie. She was holding a long tube with a funnel in one hand and a large jug in the other.

“What the fuck is that?” Levi demanded, finding himself standing as if to shield Erwin.

“He needs to drink,” said the nurse.

“I’ll handle it,” Levi snapped, unable to countenance the idea of Erwin with a tube stuck down his throat. The nurse seemed to want to disagree, but decided that Levi’s expression was reason enough to get out of the room.

Levi swallowed, watching the door swing on its own axis before coming to a stop. Now the world had been shut out, he could address this problem.

The nurse had left the jug and the tube on the table at the end of the bed. Looking at it made him wince.

He picked up the glass on the bedside table and filled it with water. He placed his hand under Erwin’s head, tipping it up and opening his mouth with a gentle touch to his chapped lips. He tipped a small dribble of water into his open mouth.

“Come on, you oversized bastard,” swore Levi, and somehow that seemed to work. Erwin’s throat worked, the water slipping down.

Levi had the distinct urge to cry as he sat back down, his task accomplished.

Erwin didn’t wake, merely tossed and turned, the red streaks of infection spreading up his arm and to his neck. Levi couldn’t stop looking at Erwin’s face, kept his eyes fixed on it, watching every expression of pain that crossed it. He made him drink every half hour, hating the indignity of it.

He leant over the bed, unable to resist the instruction from deep within his soul. Tentatively, he reached his hand across to Erwin’s much larger one.

He held Erwin’s hand tightly until the nurse came in two hours later to take his pulse.

Hange came in around midnight, face concerned.

It had struck Levi at some point in the middle of the night that once was the time Erwin would have had far more visitors. Mike, Nanaba… Petra… but they were all dead now. Now it was just him and Hange.

Hange sat in the chair on the opposite side of the bed. Their eyes flashed to Levi’s hand, still clutching tight to Erwin’s bruised one.

They said nothing, the pair sitting in shuddering silence on either side of their friend as the night drew on.

Erwin’s fever rose in the small hours of the morning, sweat beading across his pale forehead, head twisting from side to side. Hange acted as nursemaid, holding a cold flannel to his forehead while Levi took his temperature, the night nurses having been summarily dismissed by the scientist.

“This dosage isn’t enough,” they’d snapped, completely out of character, brandishing a syringe. “Get me two more.”

“But -“

“Do as they say,” Levi had growled, barely looking up from his tight grip on Erwin’s hand.

The noise Erwin had made when Hange had injected him with a horrendous amount of something had made Levi’s stomach twist.

“Come on, you bastard,” muttered Levi, both hands holding Erwin’s, leaning forward in his chair, every muscle a taut bowstring. “Don’t you fucking die on me.”

Erwin could not die. He simply could not. It was a litany of denial in Levi’s head as he tipped back Erwin’s head to get him to swallow some water, hating the indignity of it all, hating that it had come to this but being thankful for the anger to distract him from the very real fear that Erwin would not make it through this.

Hange’s expression matched his feelings as they shared a look over their friend’s restless, sweat-soaked body. Erwin could not die.

At around 6am, as sickly light started to pour into the room, Erwin stopped tossing and turning, pale face relaxing at last.

“It’s broken,” said Hange, slumping down into their chair. “The fever’s broken.”

Levi’s legs gave from underneath him. “Jesus.” He slumped forward, forehead hitting the bed. “Jesus fucking Christ.”

He must have fallen asleep for a couple of hours, because when he woke up the morning sun was shining brightly on Erwin’s hair, a nurse checking his pulse.

“He’s fine,” said the young blonde, reading Levi’s expression, or perhaps his reputation. “Just sleeping the worst off. He should wake up later today.”

Hange had left a note for him, and an apple.

_Levi—_

_Had to deal with something. Will explain all later. Doctor says Erwin’ll wake soon._

_Try to eat this._

_Hange_

It took until another nurse came in, confirming that Erwin’s vitals were as they should be, for him to go shower and change his clothes. He took a couple of bites of the apple Hange had left him, but the taste turned his stomach as soon as he thought of the man lying in the hospital bed he’d left behind.

He spent the rest of the day watching over Erwin. He’d decided who his new squad would be. He knew the 104th were the best choice for his Special Ops team. He just hoped he could keep this lot safe.

After what felt like an age, Erwin’s eyes cracked open. Levi’s heart rose into his throat, threatening to choke him. “Erwin.”

Erwin blinked a couple of times, looking around with an air of confusion. Then he looked directly at Levi. “Levi?”

“Yes, you old fart,” replied Levi, hearing the way his voice broke and not really caring.

_Thank God, thank God._

The doctors swarmed in soon after, and Levi could just watch Erwin talking, listening, living. But then they were gone, and it was just them, both sitting up facing each other.

"Gott in Himmel, old man, you gave me a fright." He leant back into the uncomfortable chair, rubbing at his eyes. "You know that, right?"

“My apologies, Levi,” said Erwin, voice scratchy.

"Don't let it happen again." Erwin smiled very slightly, resting his head against the headboard.

“Hey, don’t go falling asleep on me again,” said Levi, watching his eyes droop. “You’ve done nothing but the last couple of days while the rest of us get to work.”

Erwin looked pained. “Of course. I should get back to work."

The expression on Erwin’s face sent a jolt through Levi’s insides. “I wasn’t being serious, old man.”

“Oh.” He stretched a little, then seemed to regret it. Levi had the distinct and barely repressible urge to reach out a comforting hand. “What time is it?”

“About seven pm.”

Erwin nodded smartly, rubbing at his eyes. “Explains why I’m hungry, I suppose.”

“Shit,” cursed Levi, realising the poor fuck hadn’t eaten in two days. “I’ll handle that.”

Before Erwin could say anything, Levi had made his way outside. He walked down the hall to the nearest nurse. “Oi. The Commander is awake, and he’s hungry.”

“Well, the dinner trolley is coming round this wing in half an hour -“

“He’s hungry now.” He squared his shoulders and dropped his eyebrows. Hange called it his serial killer look, and it tended to produce results.

The girl looked appropriately convinced, not to mention scared. “Yes, C-Captain Levi. I’ll get on it right away.”

Levi re-entered the room. “Problem solved.”

As he sat down in his now familiar chair, the little nurse burst through the door with a tray of food.

“Commander Erwin, s-sir,” she said, voice shaking slightly.

Levi turned a ferine smile on her, so sharp and quick no one would have been able to confirm it happened. The girl nearly dropped her tray. Levi stood up and took it from her. “Thank you for being so accommodating, Nurse.” He grinned again. The girl looked like she was about to shit herself. “O-of course, Captain Levi. W-would you like-“

“Not for me, thanks.”

“Thank you, Nurse,” said Erwin from the bed. The girl looked over, seemingly grateful to have someone to look at that wasn’t Levi. “My p-pleasure, Commander Erwin,” she said, her eyes glued to his stump. “Do you n-need anything else?”

“No, thank you,” said Erwin graciously. If he was aware of where her eyes were fixed - which of course he was, this was Erwin we were talking about - he didn’t make any show of it, merely smiling slightly at her.

“He’ll need his bandages changed in a couple of hours.”

“Yes, C-Captain Levi.”

Erwin looked over at Levi as he placed the tray on the little wheeled table at his bedside, and rolled it into place. His face was distinctly amused, even underneath the layer of abrasions and grime. "What did you do to that poor girl?"

Levi shrugged, sitting back down in his chair. "Expedited the dinner wait."

Erwin picked up the fork. “Well, you’re the best maitre-d in town,” he said in a tone so familiar it acted as a salve on Levi’s frayed nerves. He raised his middle finger to Erwin, who laughed, as he stuck his fork into a chunk of potato and then shoved it in his mouth. Levi suddenly became aware of how hungry he must be, given the rapidity with which he swallowed.

“Jesus Christ, Erwin, fucking chew it, won’t you?” he asked, in faint disgust, but silently pleased. If he was eating that well, he couldn’t be in any real danger.

Erwin looked up at him, and the boyish look in his eyes, beneath his messy hair, set an odd shiver through Levi’s body. “Forgive the manners.”

Levi waved a hand. “I don’t give a fuck about your manners, I’m just quite keen on keeping you alive.”

The honesty in his words clearly pricked up Erwin’s ears, who looked at him very strangely.

The moment was broken abruptly as Erwin laid down his fork and picked up his knife, and began trying to cut up his dinner. Levi tried not to look as he struggled to do so with only one hand, not out of any respect for Erwin’s embarrassment, but because he couldn’t bear to.

"Ah -" the knife clattered out of his hand.

The look of pure frustration on Erwin’s face broke Levi’s heart in ways he didn’t know.

“Do you -“ he half offered, but Erwin acted as if he hadn’t heard him. He continued to eat his dinner, struggling with his knife, cursing under his breath not quiet enough to stop Levi hearing it in every chamber of his heart. The silence was deafening.

The nurse took away the dish soon after. “You’re looking better, Commander.”

Charming as always, he smiled at her, though the expression didn’t come close to reaching his eyes.

After a while, Erwin sniffed. " _Mein Gott_ ," he swore, face a little green. "How are you sitting anywhere near me?"

"Incredible loyalty."

"I need a shower."

"And a shave," pointed out Levi. "You're getting a full on beard."

A shadow crossed Erwin's face, one that Levi didn't know how to read. If pressed, he'd have said it was a mixture of pain and reminiscence. “I must look like my father.”

It was very rare that Erwin ever brought up his father. Levi knew very little about the man, other than that he had been a teacher. He’d thought to himself a few times that in a better world, Erwin would have made a superb teacher.

Erwin did not seem to wish to linger on his thoughts, however, and got down to business, straightening his shoulders. “Debrief me.”

“We’ve established that there is no breach in Wall Rose. Eight separate teams have surveyed. I’ve read the reports.”

Erwin nodded. “Thank you for organising that.”

“We also have Pixis to thank,” Levi demurred, but enjoyed a faint sense of pride. “As such, civil war seems unlikely to break out.”

“Good. But that leaves a rather unsettling question: where did the Titans come from?”

Levi shook his head. “I don’t know.”

Erwin’s brows drew together. “Concerning.”

Levi knew that Erwin was about to drop into one of his extended silences. The taller man’s ruminations were clearly cut short, however, as he shifted, uncomfortably, in bed. He made as if to swing his legs, but lost his balance amid a shudder of pain.

“I need - um -“

Levi was on his feet and offering his arm before he could finish. “Come on.”

"Please - don't." Erwin's face was pained. Levi knew the older man was embarrassed, ashamed of needing help while so weakened.

"Don't worry, old man, I'm not planning on helping you wipe your ass. Just helping you get out of bed."

This seemed to mollify Erwin, and he let Levi hoist him up. He gingerly put one, then two feet on the floor, then straightened up. He had most of his weight on Levi, and he was suddenly aware of just how much of the man there was. He stumbled - Erwin Smith, thirteenth Commander of the Scout Corps, humanity's demon, the strongest man Levi had ever known stumbled - and Levi’s heart hurt.

“God in heaven, you’re ripe,” said Levi, trying to fill the silence in the room and the cleft in his heart. Erwin snorted, but the sound was uncertain.

Somehow, they made it to the bathroom, Erwin’s every step sounding painful. Levi felt it in somewhere around his solar plexus every time the man hissed.

Erwin paused at the door of the bathroom, leaning heavily on the frame.

“Erm,” he said, in a distinctly not-Erwin way, “I’ll need clothes.”

“I’ll go,” Levi said immediately. “What do you want?”

“Something I can cover up this with.” It was the first time Erwin had made reference to his injury with sadness. Levi’s heart pounded double time, pity surging sick in his throat so he couldn’t speak. He merely nodded, and the silent acquiescence seemed to soothe the tall man a little, for he smiled just a touch. “Thank you, Levi.”

Levi waited for a minute, listening for any sounds of Erwin falling. Instead, he heard the sound of the sink running.

Not wishing to intrude any further - an odd desire for Levi, who never had cared any of the other times he’d turned up in Erwin’s office or quarters to play chess or grumble about the recruits or just sit and drink tea - he left the room.

It was a quick trip back to headquarters, one that didn’t allow much time for thinking. He bolted up the stairs into the officers’ block, pushing open Erwin’s bedroom door. Damn fool had left it unlocked. Three bolts on the door of his office, but no regard for his personal effects. Wasn’t that just Erwin?

He rifled quickly through the Commander’s drawers, nothing he hadn’t done before. He picked from the small selection of non-uniform clothes, never so aware of how much Erwin was married to his job. The tiny pile was desperately sad in a way he’d never registered before, its size belying everything Erwin had given up for humanity.

Levi knocked on the bathroom door, feeling tentative. It was not a sensation he was used to. "Erwin?"

He heard a couple of faltering steps, before the door swung open.

Levi got a full view of the damage. His chest was mottled black and blue all across the right side, while the red streaks of infection hadn't quite disappeared from his right arm, twining up nearly to his neck in faint, vicious striations. Erwin's usually strong shoulders were slumped, his collarbones sticking out from ghastly hollows. His skin was pale beneath the ugly bruising.

He was stock still for a second, trying to tear his eyes away. Then he realised how it must feel to be Erwin, to be stared at, and he shoved the clothes at him, and turned back into the corridor.

Levi had deliberately chosen clothes that would be easy to put on. Not that he wasn't willing to help Erwin with them, if he needed, but he knew how powerful a motivator shame was in his friend's psyche. No sense in causing any more pain on that front.

Still, the faint sounds of shuffling and frustration were audible, and it made Levi feel like he was standing on shifting sands.

Erwin opened the door a few minutes later, and Levi helped him back into bed. His cheeks flushed, directing his gaze away from Levi in embarrassment. Erwin looked better after he was dressed, but not by much. His hair was a rumpled mess, hanging in his eyes in a most uncharacteristic way. He looked ten years older.

“Thank you,” he said, very quietly.

“You don’t need to thank me,” Levi replied, feeling the absolute truth of it shuddering through his bones. Erwin shut his eyes, lying back on the pillow. Levi tried not to look.

A strange, bubbling sensation had settled in his stomach after seeing Erwin's mangled body. He didn't watch the nurse rebandage his stump, choosing that moment to avail himself of the bathroom, only coming back when he was sure the nurse was gone, her job finished.

Levi didn't want to tax Erwin any more that evening, so left the conversation alone. He told Erwin about his plans for his new squad, asking approval rather than permission. The Commander seemed happy in this arrangement, agreeing with his choices and promising to sign off on the new appointments as soon as he was back at his desk.

Levi tried not to imagine Erwin signing paperwork with his left hand.

Erwin was reserved, even more so than usual, as Levi did what he was absolutely worst at, and tried to make small talk. It set a sharp pang in his heart to see how despondent the man clearly was, even if he was trying to hide it.

Hange dashed in at about 9pm, the flurry of chaos they left in their wake seeming to cheer Erwin.

They burst into the room and nearly shrieked in joy. “Erwin!”

The blond struggled up to a sitting position. “Hello, Hange.”

Hange flung their arms around Erwin’s neck, kissing his cheek. The fond smile on the commander’s face, even with the clear pain from the assault, set the bubbles in Levi’s stomach roiling. “I am so glad to see you awake.”

“I’m rather pleased with it, myself,” he replied, smiling up at them as they sat down in the chair they’d vacated that morning. Then his face grew serious. “Levi told me what you did.” He reached his hand out to them, putting it on their shoulder. “Thank you, Hange.”

Levi couldn’t deal with this. Erwin and him always dealt with weighty things - the fate of humanity, for one fucking thing - but when it was about Erwin’s life, Erwin’s fucking life that he’d seen hanging in the balance for the last couple of days, that was a different matter. He sat in the corner as Hange and Erwin talked, trying to be anywhere else but here with the scent of death and illness.

Before they left, Hange leant down to Levi, whispering in his ear. “There’s something I need to discuss with Erwin. Hopefully Pixis too. The thing I was working on. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

Levi nodded, shooting a look at the sleepy-looking commander. “Try to get here before lunch, then.”

Hange nodded, then shot their own look at Erwin. “Try to get some rest, Levi. He’ll be fine by himself.”

Once again, Levi got a shock from how much Hange seemed to be able to read him. And once again, Levi broke into shuddering, wracking sobs as he finally got into the shower that evening.

—

Levi was there when Erwin woke the next day, rumpled and still looking so old. Pixis was scheduled to come in at 11am, travelling through the night to get there. But Levi had to know the rest of the story.

"You hadn't finished telling me your version of events." Levi had read the reports. All the reports, in fact. Arlert's description of how Erwin had soared up to cut Eren free had bordered on masturbatory in its appreciation of his bravery and daring, but it was the way he talked about the look on his Commander's face the next day in the mess hall that wouldn't leave Levi's mind. It had haunted him while Erwin had been asleep.

Armin clearly hadn't realised how close the Captain was, leaning across the table as he spoke fervently. "I've never seen anything like it," he had said, eyes bright. "Commander Erwin came out of nowhere, with one arm - he'd only just lost it, for crying out loud - and just sliced through Reiner's fingers and the ropes tying Eren to Bertholdt. And the look on his face - I'll never forget it. It was terrifying - amazing - in the pure fury."

"And Armin grew up with Eren, so we know this is serious," Kirschtein had added, and Levi would have laughed if he hadn't been imagining the look on Erwin's face as he surged upwards to save Eren.

Armin had still been rapt. "Civilians call him a demon, and that's the first time I've properly understood why. He had nothing left to lose and it was all over his face."

"Sure you're talking about the same Commander?" Springer had asked. "About so high, blond hair, never shows any emotion?"

"Didn't you see him yelling at us to advance?" Sasha Braus had pointed out, her remembrance written all over her features. "While he was in the titan's mouth? I've never seen the Commander look like that."

"Unhinged," Mikasa had said quietly. "Not that it didn't pay off."

"Incredible," Armin had continued. "To be in the mouth of a titan and still giving orders - orders we followed, for that matter."

Levi had walked away at that point, unable to hear more. Erwin's report had not included this.

He'd read about how Ymir had run off to help Bertholdt and Reiner, leaving them even more mess to clean up later. Read about the bizarre power Eren seemed to have over the titans. Read how Erwin had nearly been killed, again, by a Titan. Read how it was only Ymir who'd saved him.

_I always thought she looked fucking shifty._

He'd read the report that admitted Erwin had declared himself replaceable. But he needed to hear it from Erwin.

Erwin sighed. "I've never felt the need to outright lie to you, Levi. So I won't start now."

"You've deliberately misled and misdirected plenty of times. Don't."

Erwin winced, and began to explain what had happened after he rescued Eren. It was fucking disquieting, to say the least.

“Twice, I didn’t see one coming.” His eyebrows twitched almost imperceptibly. “I owe Ymir my life.”

Erwin Smith always saw things coming. He was usually about three steps ahead of everyone else. He didn't get himself fucking eaten by a Titan because he wasn't paying enough attention.

“What were you playing at, Erwin?” asked Levi. “I’ve never known you to be so reckless with your own safety.”

But Erwin wasn’t listening. “I thought I was going to die,” he said softly. “Not until after I’d got Eren back, but while I watched the titans swarming… the Colossal threw one right down in front of me. Feet away. I could feel the steam coming off it.”

Levi watched him in silence, listening to the emotion in Erwin’s voice with his whole body.

“I’ve never thought I was going to die before. I’ve always believed in my own ability to take me forward. I’ve known for years that I could die, die any damn minute,” Erwin swore, uncharacteristically, then took a shuddering breath. Levi felt his eyes widen at how shaken he was. “But I’ve never ever felt in the moment that I was going to die.” He laughed, a broken, sardonic sound. “I’ve been fifteen metres off the ground in the fist of a Titan, and still believed I would make it out.” His head dropped, eyes staring down at his lap. “I now truly know what it is our soldiers feel.”

Levi didn’t say anything for a very long time. His brain was filled with images of Erwin, covered in blood and demented with rage.

“You cannot be that reckless again, Erwin,” he said bluntly. “We can’t afford to lose our Commander, not now.”

Erwin met his eyes with a powerful gaze. “I am replaceable, Levi. Eren, not to mention Historia, is not." The sheer earnestness in his eyes was maddening.

 _Not to me you’re not_ , Levi thought. The thought came unbidden, like a kick to the stomach. Like being hit over the head with a revelation.

Erwin looked right at him, so unblinkingly that Levi wondered if his thoughts were visible on his face. He resisted the urge to squirm, and lifted his chin a little. His friend’s expression was unreadable, indecipherable marble.

Thankfully, the entrance of Pixis saved him from having to endure any more of Erwin's sky blue eyes fixing on him.

Levi had a lot of fucking processing to do. Not least that Erwin was going to get himself fucking killed if he wasn’t careful, judging on that creepy grin on his face. Honestly, Levi wanted to punch it off his face.

"You're absolutely insane, you know that?" asked Levi quietly, rubbing a hand across his face.

A small smile slipped across Erwin's face. "Oh, yes."

The genuine expression tugged something in Levi’s stomach. Something like sadness and fear but also… other. Strange.

Levi made his excuses, and left.

—

It was different, seeing the Commander like this. Erwin carried out his duties in the same efficient manner, and when he stood side on it was easy to forget anything had changed. But then Levi would catch sight of the empty sleeve flapping lightly in the wind, and be reminded with that unnatural tug in his stomach.

He'd been turning it all over in his mind for a couple of days. He found himself thinking over Erwin’s decisions on the battlefield obsessively, replaying his imagined version of events over and over until he felt like he’d been present at the very moment of every single fucking decision his Commander had made, and every single damn thing that had happened to him out there. It tormented him, keeping him awake at night.

Levi found himself avoiding Erwin. As he ran exercises for his newly formed squad, determined to get them up to scratch, he’d catch sight of Erwin watching from the side of the field, and immediately turn away, yelling at Kirschtein or Braus or bloody Jaeger. (Some things would never change.)

He’d taken advantage of the fact that Erwin was buried in paperwork, trying to sort out the mess of the last expedition. He’d barely seen him in days, except occasionally in passing in the corridor.

_I’m angry at him, that lunatic. I’m angry because he risked himself._

Erwin risked the lives of others as his day job. Levi knew that, and had made his peace with it when he decided to follow him. He knew better than anyone that Erwin Smith was the only man who could lead humanity, in part because he could deal with sending people to their deaths over, and over, and over again. Quite how Erwin did it, he'd never really known, given the way he looked after every mission once the crowds and soldiers had disappeared. Having known the man for five years, he knew how much it hurt him to do it, but also how much the man was capable of drowning under apparent impassivity and an all-consuming belief in serving humanity.

But he never risked himself. No more than any of them did, going out in the field. And the very nature of the Corps under Erwin Smith was that they tried to minimise loss. That Erwin’s strategies were always so well thought out that the command centre of the legion were rarely under threat themselves.

But now? Now Erwin had nearly been lost. And that was unthinkable.

Erwin was his best friend. There was no other way to put it. The two of them were bonded like steel. Levi would follow him anywhere, Erwin knew that. And then he’d gone out, without him, because he was stuck with a stupid injury - he could fucking kill that taciturn weirdo in the scarf - and he’d gone and put himself in harm’s way. And that had filled him with abject fear, fear so potent it had made him furious.

Levi knew that Erwin had done the right thing, done the right thing for humanity as he always did. He was a mad bastard, but he was a brilliant one - from the reports, it was clear that Erwin's insane baiting tactics had saved Eren. Strategically, he knew Erwin had done the completely right thing. It was just Levi's feelings that had been hurt here.

“Levi!” called Hange from a table in the mess hall. “Come sit with us!”

Us, it quickly transpired, was them and Erwin. Never before had he regretted the loss of the majority of the veterans more, he thought ruefully. Nor, indeed, was he too grateful for Erwin choosing this evening of all evenings to actually stop working and take dinner that wasn’t on a tray or wrapped in brown paper.

Hange solved that mystery. “Erwin’s been working flat out for about twelve hours and I thought he should actually make human contact and eat something that isn’t a sandwich.” They looked up at Levi meaningfully. “Isn’t that a good idea, Levi?”

Levi grunted, shoving bread in his mouth, eyes fixed on the stew in front of him. Hange, as usual, didn’t need a response, but kept talking. “Honestly, you’re going too hard, Erwin, you only got out of hospital a couple of days ago.”

“Things have to be done, Hange,” Erwin replied gently but forcefully, as if to let them know their concern was not unappreciated. “The Corps can’t grind to a halt.” Levi felt eyes on him. One of the tricks the Underground had taught him. “It seems that you and Levi stopped that from happening, though.”

Levi looked up, only to be scorched by Erwin’s gaze. He made an ineloquent noise, then looked back at his food. He couldn’t look at Erwin when he was looking at him like that.

“It was mostly Levi. This one was at your side the whole time you were under. Only left to shower. I actually had to get him to do that at one stage.”

Erwin turned to look at him with the strangest expression on his face. Levi had the most disturbing sense of embarrassment.

Thankfully, Sasha Braus displayed her trademark tact by screaming at that point. “Give that roll back, Connie Springer, or I swear to God—“

“Connie is about to make a very poor choice,” said Hange. And they were right, because at that moment the shaven headed boy took a bite of the roll.

The noise that Braus made was honestly worse than a Titan as she lunged across the table towards Springer. Jaeger leapt out of the way, knocking into Kirschtein, who upended his stew over Jaeger, who promptly yelled like a stuck pig. Ackerman leapt to her feet, fork in hand, ready to defend her boyfriend, while Arlert tried to yank her backwards, succeeding only in sticking his elbow in Reiss’ mashed potatoes.

In the ensuing pandemonium, Levi was able to make a quick exit away from Erwin’s sky-blue eyes.

—

Levi was filling in a requisition form for more cleaning supplies. The barracks were becoming lamentable. Or at least, that’s what he was telling himself as he aggressively tried to drive himself out of his own head.

_Erwin’s my best friend, he thought, stubbornly, and he’s vital to the Corps, that’s why I’m angry._

Best friend. There was no other way to put it.

Or was there? Because if he was honest with himself, he knew that the bond he shared with Erwin wasn’t like the one he had with Hange, or that Erwin had had with Mike. It was different, almost like it was made of something else, shaped by a different lathe.

The tug in his stomach wasn’t the bond of a friend. It was something deeper, chemical and elemental in his very being, the mark of being tied so utterly to someone that their survival was intrinsic to your own.

 _Oh, God_. Shitty glasses had been able to see it, hadn’t they, knowing that he’d want to watch over Erwin. Hange was too damn perceptive for their own good.

He stared down at his requisition forms, and felt a wash of cold realisation, followed by heat, rush across his skin.

Seeing Erwin in the mess hall the next day sent a jolt through his belly, a bolt of arousal that he hadn’t felt in a long, long while. The blood drained from his face and straight into his trousers.

He would be lying if he said he'd never considered Erwin attractive. In the Underground, Levi had always preferred men, and he’d had a few encounters over the last few years, always with taller, clean-shaven men with light hair. He’d reflected before upon Erwin being the absolute epitome of his type, but never gone further with it. There wasn’t time, really. Nor was there head space for this sort of thing.

But now there was entirely too much space in Levi’s head for these things. These things including the absolute devastation of nearly losing Erwin, who it seemed he had feelings for. And the fact that apparently Levi was rock-hard for him. His head now apparently had a gaping void inside it in which Erwin bloody Smith now bounced around, distracting him.

It got worse at the officers’ briefing that afternoon. Erwin led proceedings with familiar efficiency, delegating tasks and accepting reports. He was wearing full uniform, right down to the fucking straps of his gear - though God knew how he was going to use that - and his empty right sleeve was sending shocks through Levi’s spine throughout the hour.

Every time he looked at Erwin his chest burned with a fierce protective instinct and with a cutting pang of fear. The flapping of his sleeve every time he moved was like a punch to the stomach, reminding him of what he’d so nearly lost. And then his damn face - bastard had no business being so damned alluring.

When the meeting was over, Levi beat a quick exit, unable to deal with any more of Erwin’s eyes on him. He heard him call his name, but he kept moving.

During training that afternoon, Levi found himself yelling at Jean Kirschtein even more that usual, despite realising that he agreed with Erwin about just how good a squad leader he’d make. As he set the horse-faced lad running laps, he realised just how fucked he was.

So, presented with a problem, Levi did what he did best (other than killing Titans and scaring Eren Jaeger shitless), and pulled out his cleaning supplies.

He was scrubbing the shit out of the floorboards in his office, resolutely ignoring his emotions, when he heard footsteps.

"Are you going to tell me why you've been avoiding me?" asked a deep voice. Levi's head shot up. Erwin was right next to him. His reflexes were not at their best.

Levi maintained his composure. "I don’t know what you’re talking about, Commander,” he replied, keeping his eyes on the skirting board. The height difference was even greater than usual, and it sent a clawed hand through his innards.

“When have you ever called me Commander?” It was the sort of statement that should have sounded amused, but it came out with a distinctly hurt tone.

Levi gritted his teeth, and scrubbed harder. “Nile always says I don’t show enough respect.”

“When has anything Nile says ever bothered you?” Erwin sounded both baffled and exasperated.

Levi shrugged, and Erwin made a noise of pure frustration. “ _Levi_.” The weight in his tone was enough to make Levi look up. The expression on Erwin’s face was confused and, if he had to put a bet on it, hurt. “Tell me what’s going on.” It was the note of pleading - instead of command - that did it for him, setting something loose deep in his belly.

“Alright, fine, you nosy blond beanpole,” he snapped, standing up and dropping his cloth. Erwin looked satisfyingly taken aback. Damn man and his damn composure. “I’m pissed at you.”

“No, really?” replied Erwin. “I’d never have guessed.”

That was the last straw. Levi, acting without thinking, gave him a hard shove to the chest. The taller man clearly hadn’t been expecting it, having to take a step backwards to steady himself.

"I'm pissed with you because you lost your arm." Levi cursed his lack of eloquence.

Erwin's eyes narrowed a millimetre. Levi felt the scrutiny drop on him. "Well, yes, that seemed obvious. But you didn't seem like this in the hospital." He peered at Levi. "Did I do something to offend?"

The innocence in his voice was the absolute limit. Levi felt the rage crash over him. "You went and nearly got yourself fucking killed, you ass!" He yanked off his cleaning gloves, throwing them hard against the wall. Erwin had the temerity to look confused, so Levi kept up the tirade. "You cannot just throw your life away, Erwin!"

"That's what you're angry about?" The blond looked confused, then repeated his words from the hospital. "I am replaceable, Levi."

"Not to me you're not," Levi snapped back, finally saying what he had wanted to back there.

For a moment, his words hung in the air. Erwin's blue eyes had gone very, very wide. His lips had parted, as if he was about to say something, but his entire body was frozen, gaze fixed on Levi.

"What did you just say?" he asked very, very softly, barely above a whisper. His eyes seemed to hold a knife edge upon which they both balanced.

"I said," Levi took a deep breath, "not to me you're not." And he fixed his eyes on Erwin's, squaring his shoulders as if ready to fight.

Erwin was still frozen to the spot, a deer in the headlights. Levi had never seen him so taken aback, the man who could take death and victory with the same stone exterior. It was like watching a statue suddenly become confused.

"Do you have any idea what it was like, seeing the convoy come back in and not seeing you come through the officers' block? To hear on the winds of hearsay that you'd lost a fucking arm in the pursuit of your bloody noble courage?" he demanded, hitting the flat of his palm against Erwin's chest, his voice going up a notch, and he threw caution to the wind. "This suicide regiment needs you, dammit, this world needs you, but God..." His voice trailed away, and his gaze hit the floor. But honesty was Levi's great virtue, and he raised his chin to look his friend dead in the face. "I need you, Erwin. I need you, for every selfish reason in the damn book, to stay alive."

Levi took a deep breath. "I'm fucking bonded to you, you shit, and my survival is tied to yours. I swore I'd follow you anywhere, and I live by that promise, and I'll die by it, too, I expect. So don't fucking call yourself replaceable, Erwin Smith. Not when my existence rides on yours."

Levi bit his lip, then continued. “You’re not allowed to fucking die. Not ever. Not when I can’t go on without you.”

Erwin was stock still, a pillar of salt, eyes still on Levi. He looked - scared. Terrified, even. The sort of expression any normal human being would get when facing a Titan, it wasn't one he was used to seeing on the blond man's strong features. He knew his Commander, his friend, and he knew it took much to shake him, but somehow it was infuriating for him to just stand there silently eyeballing him like he was an abnormal Titan that had learned to fly.

"God damn it, say something! I'm standing here pouring my fucking heart out, you mad basta-"

"You would put my life above humanity?" asked Erwin, and his voice sounded like it came from a much younger man. "My life?"

Levi set his jaw. "I'd certainly fucking think about it." Erwin laughed once, but his eyes didn't leave Levi's face. In all the years he'd known him, Levi had only seen that expression on the Commander's face in the rarest moments of hope. The brief shards of time when the man carrying humanity's fate on his shoulders dared to let himself believe.

Levi looked directly at Erwin, and lifted his chin. Working in close proximity with someone - especially when killing Titans - taught you a non-verbal language. And with Erwin, he'd long been able to forgo speaking.

 _I'm sure_.

Like a grappling hook shooting from ODM gear, Erwin's face changed. From tentative hope, to resolve, and for the briefest second to joy. And then his face was close to Levi's, just like when he'd caught him in the Underground half with those large hands and half with that penetrating stare.

Their lips met on a breath. Levi found himself leaning up on the balls of his feet, any way to get closer to Erwin. The taller man wrapped his arm around the Captain, dragging their bodies together.

Erwin’s mouth was gentle but insistent, each brush and press of his strangely soft lips like coming home. His hand came to rest on Levi’s face, holding his cheek with delicate sweetness as he kissed him like a virgin on her wedding night. The softness could have made him cry.

They parted, eyes opening and breathing in deeply. Erwin's hand was still resting delicately on Levi's face, long fingers spreading across his jaw and cheek, whisper soft but strong.

"Levi."

“Erwin.” The tug in his stomach was back, but it was good and glorious, a comforting pull towards what was right.

“You know how I see you, Levi, don’t you?” Erwin asked, everything about him soft and breakable, like Levi could crush him with a breath. “I consider you my counterpart, my right hand.” He looked down at his stump. “You ground me away from doing the stupid things that risk myself.” He bit his lip, shutting his eyes in something between shame and pain. “You are my humanity, Levi.”

When Levi was able to speak, his voice was cracking and rusty. “You undersell yourself.” And he reached up to quell any complaints Erwin had by pressing his thin lips to the taller man’s soft ones, pulling Erwin’s head down with a hand in his hair.

Erwin made a small moue of surprise, then kissed Levi back enthusiastically. His hand tightened on his jaw, the faintest tremor in his grasp, his breaths heavy against the smaller man’s lips.

Erwin kissed like a dying man, no polite restraint left. It was intoxicating. His hand had travelled from his firm grip on Levi’s face down his shoulder, his side and around to the narrowest part of his waist, his fingers tight. He held Levi to him like he was starved of contact, sharing his breaths so their chests moved together and against one another in harmony. Each breath was heady, a deep inhalation of the other’s scent and heat.

They pulled apart, breathing heavily. Erwin’s pupils were dilated, two spots of red burning high on his cheekbones. Levi could feel his hardness against his stomach, and it set a lance of electricity through him from cock to throat.

“I want you, Levi,” he said simply. “Can you want me?”

“What sort of stupid pansy-ass question is that,” muttered Levi, looking down at his Commander’s boots as heat rushed down his spine. “Can I want you? I think it’s pretty fucking plain that I do,” he said, stepping forward to grind himself against Erwin’s strong thigh.

Erwin’s eyes widened and darkened, and he yanked Levi closer, shoving his thigh between his legs before kissing him. He pressed himself up against his Captain, pushing him into the wall, his heavy body moulding to Levi’s. The thrill shuddered all the way through the smaller man, who wrapped his leg around Erwin’s, grinding himself against him in a desperate attempt to get closer.

Erwin trailed his mouth against Levi’s throat, biting and sucking, pressing his hot tongue against the marks he left. Levi groaned, tipping his head back and allowing him further access. “God, Levi,” Erwin muttered as he ground against him.

Erwin pulled back. “Sorry,” he said softly. “I did so want to be a gentleman.”

Levi snorted, and Erwin looked so enamoured that it was heartbreaking. “I’m an underground thug whose favourite word is ‘shit’. When have I ever given a damn?” His voice came out gentler than he’d expected, in a tone he hadn’t often used.

Erwin’s lips tilted up at the side. “When have I ever not, where you’re concerned?”

There wasn’t anything else to do except kiss him, after that.

Erwin was uncharacteristically clumsy as he tried to get Levi’s clothes off him. Levi could forgive it though - the man hadn't had long to get used to having only one arm, in fairness.

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” Erwin whispered in his ear, tugging at the straps on his harness, and the sweet honesty and excitement in his voice made Levi want to melt, melt away into Erwin so they could be the same substance. He arched into his touch as the taller man awkwardly pulled off his shirt.

He bent to his knees, gently undoing the straps on his legs. Levi nearly came then and there seeing him on his knees before him, face open and adoring, before a rush of emotion hit him somewhere below the knees and it was lucky that Erwin was holding him. He fumbled with the straps, and Levi didn’t mind how long it took because it was _Erwin_ doing it, _Erwin_ taking his clothes off.

Erwin slid the tight trousers down his legs, peppering kisses after, rubbing his hand across Levi’s thighs once he’d stepped out of them. He brushed a kiss across the front of his underwear, enough to make Levi shudder and pull Erwin back to his feet.

Erwin was pliant, submissive as he let Levi peel his clothes off him, like a supplicant at an altar. The softness of his strong, tough commander, a softness Levi knows was a secret for him alone, was enough to have his heart skipping in his throat, fluttering underneath every breath he took. The looks Erwin gave him, gaze flickering across his naked chest, were enough to set him alight. He felt - regarded. Regarded as highly as anything could possibly be.

But then again, he realised, he’d always known that about Erwin’s regard for him.

But there was no time for regret, not now, not as Erwin let him pull his shirt off. He kissed the skin above the stump, across to his collarbones and to his heart, and the sigh that left the taller man’s throat was glorious.

He nearly tripped as Levi helped him out of his trousers, the counterweight of his right arm gone, but it was endearing, a small laugh huffing between the two of them, and then they were kissing again, naked but for their underwear, pressed tightly up against each other. Arms wound around one another, Levi on his tiptoes, it was easy to believe there was nothing more in the world than just the pair of them and this unending kiss.

Erwin dropped to his knees again, fingers toying at the waistband of Levi’s underwear. He looked up, questioning, and the smaller man nearly lost it right then and there at the softness in his expression.

Nodding to himself, he tugged the garment down, letting Levi step out of them with a care that fluttered in his stomach. He looked up again at his Captain, as if to memorise his expression, before pressing his lips to his cock.

Erwin’s mouth was hot, and a little clumsy at first, but there was no denying the passion with which he licked and sucked at him. Levi shoved his fist into his mouth in an attempt to not make too much noise.

The blond pulled off. “If you don’t mind, I’d quite like to be able to hear you,” he said with faint humour, before replacing his mouth.

This time, Levi moaned low, long and loud. He was on fire.

Eventually, Erwin pushed himself to his feet. “Come to bed with me?” he asked, holding out his hand.

Normally Levi would have laughed at such a display, but today he merely put his hand in Erwin’s and let himself be pulled close. Erwin kissed him, pushing him gently onto the bed, before shucking his underwear and crawling on top of him.  
He mouthed at his stomach, his legs, his hip, cheek brushing his straining cock as he left a burning trail of kisses along the arrowhead of his abdominal muscles.

His strong fingers worked him open, face resting against Levi’s thigh by virtue of lacking another arm to hold him up. The sensation was blinding, brilliant, as he kissed at his inner thigh, opening him up and grazing every sensitive spot, spots he hadn’t known could feel this way.

“Levi,” he said, voice heavy, and it wasn’t just his name he was saying. The knowledge of it was enough to make Levi keen, arching his back in perfection.

Erwin drew his fingers out, shuffling himself over Levi. A small smile crossed his face, making him look years younger. “Not as graceful these days, I’m afraid,” he said, shifting onto his knees with a faint nervousness that made Levi’s heart sing.

“As if I care, old man,” said Levi, the words coming out sweeter than he realised, as Erwin pulled his legs around his waist, breathing in anticipation. Erwin’s smile was like the sun, and then he leant forward over his body, lining himself up. Levi felt electric, flickering with desire and need and love.

“Levi,” Erwin said, softer than he’d ever heard his name uttered before, then pushed forward.

They exhaled on the same breath. Levi felt like he was being split open, but he bore it, breathing heavily until he could open his eyes again. Erwin was looking deep into his eyes, concerned.

“Levi?” he asked.

“Move,” Levi replied, trailing his fingers up to Erwin’s back, wanting more.

Both of them were surprised by the feeling as Erwin began to move, rocking into Levi slowly, his arm taking the weight and bearing the mattress down by Levi’s head. The smaller man arched upwards, feeling the moan torn from him as he finally felt the void in his head be filled with one word.

 _Erwin_.

“God, I wish I’d done this with you while I still had two arms,” whispered Erwin, face screwed up in something like concentration.

“Shut up. No space for regrets while your cock’s in my ass.”

Erwin’s eyes snapped open in a mixture of shock and amusement. “All the times I thought about this, I never thought you’d be quite this mouthy.”

That was enough to silence Levi for a moment, and when he spoke again, his mouth was completely dry. “You - you thought about this before?” he asked, looking up at his friend.

“Far more than I would have liked to admit,” Erwin replied, blushing slightly.

Levi didn’t know how to respond to this, but simply pulled Erwin’s face to his, kissing him hotly.

It was so much, but not enough, as Erwin moved inside him, hot and strong, bearing his heart open. He wanted to unwrap himself and reshape himself around Erwin, knitting them close enough that they’d never part. He wanted to feel him everywhere and forever, feel his hands on him for weeks, know that this peace was his even as the rest of the world was screaming mad.

“Come on Erwin,” panted Levi, knocking a knee against Erwin’s flank. “You’re not as old as you make out.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” replied Erwin in kind, maintaining his deep, measured pace. Levi should have known he’d fuck like this - no. This was Erwin making love to him, he knew that, and it sent little pleasurable prickles surging all over his skin.

“You know exactly what I mean, you fuck.” Levi tilted his chin up to look up at the taller man, presenting his face for study.

Erwin grinned widely, then abruptly sped up, bracing his hand above Levi’s shoulder for greater leverage as he slammed into him. Levi felt a loud grunt spill from his lips, unbidden, and his eyes widened.

Erwin was still grinning widely as he fucked into him, hair falling in his eyes, the sight helping to unwrite the memories of the hospital, helping to create a new space in Levi’s brain for Erwin, for Erwin in the heat of passion and how fucking beautiful he was. “God, Levi,” he grunted, eyes shutting, even as he smiled broadly, smiled with an innocence untainted by the Titans and the politics and the walls, and the sight was enough to bruise Levi’s heart in the best way possible.

He could hear himself, the high, strained noises ripping out of his chest as Erwin fucked him, fucked him with care that noone had ever taken with him before. Felt himself burning under the heated gaze Erwin had fixed upon him as he moved inside him, slamming into him just as he wanted.

Erwin lowered himself so his chest brushed against Levi’s with every thrust, his lips at his ear. “Wrap your legs around me, Levi,” he murmured, voice dark as molasses. He obeyed, letting Erwin roll them over.

“I’m not as young as I used to be,” he panted, lips curling at one side, apologetic. Levi kissed the regret off his face, shifting himself onto his knees so he could ride Erwin properly, and the open bliss on the blond’s face was his reward.

“Jesus, Levi,” he swore, eyes shutting and head lolling back against the pillows.

Levi rode him for all he was worth, enjoying how Erwin’s eyes rolled back in his head on every downstroke, feeling his hand tight on his hip. It was hard to keep his own eyes open, feeling Erwin pushing back up against him on every thrust, hearing the litany of his own name on every breath.

He’d never heard his name uttered like that, like prayer and invocation and blessing all at once.

“Need - need you closer,” Levi bit out, craving more, always craving more. Erwin seemed to read his mind, bracing his hand against the bed so he could sit up, shuffling them back.

“Are you putting your ass all over my pillows?” Levi asked, and Erwin laughed, a clear peal of joy, before wrapping his arm around Levi to bring them flush.

Back braced against the headboard, Erwin was everywhere. The planes of their bodies pressed together, slick with sweat, and Levi could die like this, die happy with his body arched up against Erwin’s like he’d come home.

This, the last lost continent, the last uncovered space between him and the man he trusted with his life, with everything.

“Can you come like this?” Erwin’s voice was a hot pant that licked flames up Levi’s spine.

“Like you even need - ah - to ask,” he ground out in response, feeling his vision wavering at the edges, digging his nails into Erwin’s shoulders. The burn in his thigh was worth it, worth it to have this shared moment of completeness, of being the same flesh. It was worth it to have Erwin falling apart like this under him and know that it was only him holding him together.

“Come on, Levi, come for me,” Erwin nearly pled, looking up at him like he was Sina, Rose and Maria all rolled into one. And it was that that did it, the look of absolute devotion in his eyes that had him crying out, head tipping back as white heat jolted through his veins.

“Erwin,” he practically wailed, clutching the other man close as he came. “Erwin - fuck! - _Erwin_.”

Erwin held him through it, fucking up into him, eyes fixed on him like he was watching a shooting star to make a wish upon it before it disappeared. “My Levi,” he groaned, biting his lip, and Levi knew he must be close. He ground himself down harder, sparks shivering up his nerve endings at the over-stimulation, wanting to share this with Erwin, wanting to see him screw his face up and let go.

“Come, Erwin,” he said, raking his nails down his spine and fisting a hand in his hair. “Come on, you beautiful bastard.”

The way Erwin looked at him was enough to make him come again, or cry, he wasn’t quite sure. It was like he was an angel, come from on high.

“God, Levi,” Erwin ground out, before his body stuttered. His perfect face contorted, mouth dropping open and head tipping back. “Oh, Levi, Levi, _Levi_.” His voice was broken and beautiful and Levi could have wrapped himself in the sound.

They clutched each other close like that for a long, long moment, breathing in one another, before Erwin shuffled onto his back, bringing Levi to his side. “I’ll be right back.”

When he returned, face still flushed and desperately happy, he had a damp towel in his hand. He knelt next to him and gently cleaned him up, with the care of a man restoring an artwork. Levi closed his eyes, content, sighing happily when he felt the bed dip as Erwin returned to lie down.

“Levi?”

“Mmm?”

“I don’t want you to die, either.” Levi opened his eyes to find Erwin looking right at him, looking right into him, and he knew what the oddly clumsy words meant.

“I know, Erwin.” He moved closer, wanting to stretch this moment that felt familiar and right forever. He placed his hand on Erwin’s chest, right over his heart, feeling the warm beats against his palm. Then, with his left, he made a fist and placed it over his own. Looking right at Erwin, with his sweaty, mussed hair falling in his eyes and the most honest smile Levi had ever seen on his face, he tried to communicate the weight in his chest. Erwin, with that way he had, seemed to read it perfectly, and reached out his larger hand, wrapping his fingers around Levi’s fist. His eyes were brighter than ever before, his fingers a welcome home.

They stayed that way for a while, before Levi pressed his lips to the nearly faded bruises on Erwin’s hand. “You know, right?” he asked, quietly, the ocean of feeling drowning his voice.

Erwin’s voice, when it came, was strong and whole and peaceful. “I know.”

Levi felt his lips curve in a rare smile, and let himself be pulled close. “Good,” he replied, closing his eyes in contentment. He felt Erwin laugh, just once, a sound of pure happiness, and press a kiss to the top of his head.

Levi rested his head on Erwin’s chest, feeling his friend, his Commander, his lover card his fingers through his hair in this new-discovered country, this new homestead away from the empire of hell.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Pls let me know what you thought!


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